i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
