i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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