i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
