It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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