But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
