so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
