I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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