I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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