she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
