Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
