its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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