What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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