Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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