They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
