hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
