I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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