I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
