Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
