hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
