I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
