Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
