it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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