So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
