Got a toothbrush?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
