but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
