Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You are a genius and a whore.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
