how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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