i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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