i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize