Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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