Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
