dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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