I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Are we still banned from the library?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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