Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
