Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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