Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
