i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
