I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
