How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
