I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
