i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
