I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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