When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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