You're completely useless in the revolution.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
