so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
