i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
