Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
