Yo dont text me then not text me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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