i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
