I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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