Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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