please come you make the beer taste better
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
