xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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