yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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