Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
