Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
