He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
