It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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