Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The uberlube is also flammable
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
