Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
