i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
