I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize