We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
