Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
