I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
