For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
