Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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